My whole life is changing. The funny thing, is that it has started going back to that picture that I used to imagine. I graduate college, get a job teaching, meet someone, maybe after dating a couple years get married, and a couple years after that come the kids.
However, I had thrown that picture out the window when I met J and changed it all. I thought, "I don't have to be so practical anymore, all my dreams are coming true much sooner than I imagined!" I graduated H.S., got a part time job, started college, got married. I thought the next step was kids. My wedding was beautiful. My ring was one that I could never have liked more if I had designed it myself. Our sweet little house was perfect. It was like a fairy tale.
Now I am starting over again. I have moved in with a roommate. I am applying for that teaching job and getting interviews. I am dating a sweet guy that I am just having fun with. The funny thing, is that while it is what I always pictured, I am missing that broken fairy tale.
My friends are getting engaged and having babies. I am crying jealous tears. I am tired of crying jealous tears. I have cried them long enough. I cried jealous tears for two years while I was married until I learned to be satisfied with the direction my life was going. I thought I had learned that lesson well enough. But here I am again. Learning it all over again.
Maybe I will learn it for real this time....
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