The days march on...

So, its been almost six weeks since that day he turned my world upside down. Tomorrow we are going to file for divorce. There's that crazy word again. The one I thought I'd never see in relation to my life, I'm going to embrace it tomorrow. I remember that just a couple weeks ago, when I knew that it was to only option, thinking that it would be such a long time before we could go and do it. Now it seems so fast. I thought it was going to be months until we could save up to pay for it, turns out we are poor enough that we don't have to pay for it.

I am feeling sick. He just called and told me how my family is going to hate him. I don't really care what they think about either of us. He's also worrying about having to take a pay cut. He just found out that thanks to our wonderful governor he gets a 3% pay cut in the next couple weeks. I just don't know how to handle all this. I can't be responsible for his life, but at the same time, I can't help but feel a little responsible. He has supported me through school, shouldn't I be there for him now?

There is just so much to unravel. Our lives are so intertwined, how do you divide the two again when the two became one? Gradually, or all at once? There are so many steps, it is all so overwhelming. It is all so hard, do you skip the things that can be skipped, or do you muddle through all of it to protect yourself? Is there anything to protect myself from? I can't imagine needing to protect myself from him.

Today I go to my last counseling session. I was getting them for free through the university, but now that I have graduated I can't see her anymore. I guess I'm on my own now...